“Television characters live inside our minds as though they're actual people. In fact, we know more about them than we do about most people in our physical lives.”
― Neal Pollack
Warning! Corny line approaching,,,Lights, Camera, Action! Yes the blog-master is back with some more mind-blowing wisdom on what most of you will find useless...until you grow the bloody hell up and deem it worthy you wandering ne'er-do-wells!
FADE IN
INT. BEDROOM-EVENING
It's a dark(duh), stormless night and you're all alone. So alone you decide to watch your favorite re-run of your favorite TV show of all time: The Finale. No not the season finale. Not the summer finale either. You've taken it upon yourself to watch the most watched episode of all time. Now you begin to tear-up as you witness all of your favorite characters, who you've come to love and adore, venture in new directions in their lives as they leave you behind. Yes they did this to you. They held your heart in their hands and clinched together their fists with the sheerest of optimism and grace. You see they let you down easy. They reasoned with you that is was what was best for them so that they could be happy and progress. FUCK THAT. They never had your feelings in mind. I mean you practically live with these people day in and day out. You hang out with them at the bar or coffee shop. They even bring you to work with them, even when they aren't obligated to participate in some company-held holiday to showcase the glory of their jobs to impress you. Yeah that's right they bring you in on the bad days, he rainy days, the days when the air conditioner is on all types of drugs. They even bring you in on the day when all hell breaks loose and the company is bankrupt. This is where we hold them close and shower them with warmth. Then they just leave. They leave with what they think is a loving, well-delivered good-bye. It's not loving. It's the dagger in the heart. The mushroom cloud of loneliness.
Mistake. You, the audience, made the mistake of letting yourself love another. Yeah that's right. I'm catapulting this blame square between your eyes. You chose to tune in to see what kind of petty drama occurs every week on a freaking creek or in a generic high school filled with dysfunctional youths at the peak of awkwardness. You opened your heart, and in Jim and Pam came with their quirky, lovable relationship and set up a home. They built that home with intentions to stay. What do you get in return? They give you a relationship you fawn after with the utmost jealousy and optimism of having. Seems a little unfair to me right? Selfish bastards. I love you.
A lot of us don't realize that we are capable of love until we are hurt by a truly genuine, passionate relationship...experienced by our most loved TV stars. We also realize we are capable of hurt as well. Immense loads of it. Ouch. Ouchiest of ouches Ross and Rachel. It wasn't a real break. I hate you so much. Your relationship means everything to me.
It's a tragic mistake we commit season after season. We become attached. We model ourselves after these characters in hopes people will like us better. They don't like you better. Unless they love the show as well. Then they love you most. We live so vicariously through these characters that we forget our own reality some times. We begin to forget that Central Perk doesn't exist. Or that middle rate paper companies stand a fighting chance against the processed timber vendor juggernauts. We remove ourselves from reality. My humble opinion: remove yourself to wherever you damn well please. The world we live in now is going down in flames as we speak. You might as well throw yourself into Wisconsin and hang out in the basement with the best 360 crew around. You can't beat it.
Plus, in this world you may never get a boss like Michael Scott, or a friend like Barney, or have a completely OCD neurotic detective with phobias up the wazoo solving your cases. You'd be lost. Completely. You'd be a miserable Amish person. Don't care if it offends them. It'd take them light-years to make it here by horse buggy. Prehistory never survives!
I bet what all the "normal" people aren't expecting out you is the art of surprise. They don't think you'll flabbergast them with a witty line or joke that'll keep them laughing until their spleens shatter. They think you've submersed yourself so much into a different reality that you can't comprehend daily routines of the "normies". Hint hint normies: TV is based off of what we have and lack in the real world. Open your brains. Close your minds. Please for dead Jesus's sake, don't ever watch Preacher's Wives. You'll thank me now and save yourself the disappointment for humanity. I already have plenty from daily encounters.
This world sucks. It sucks something awful's awful. The worst of awful. Yet, through some small peeping hole in the clouds, shines the brilliance of TV writers as the ol' cathode ray tube fires up for another round of 7th Heaven drama and heartache. They know what we like. You know why? They happen to be people with wants and angst geared towards reality. They deserve a Nobel Peace Prize. If people didn't plop in front of their media-streaming device, they would be out murdering people, duh.
CUT TO:
We conclude here. We conclude with a thought of ho much we hate when series end, but love them for the effect they have bestowed upon our lives. By effect, I of course mean purpose. They give us something to strive for. Not to copy, may I add. But to unwillingly aspire to have a completely unpredictable, heartbreaking, passionate affair that catalyzes us to come alive. Remember you determine when the finale happens. There's always room for a new pilot. Hell you might even find your own Jim or Pam. Just please please I reiterate to you: don't be Toby. I fucking hate Toby.
If TV doesn't work out for you sad, sad, saps...READ MORE BOOKS. I hear Fitzgerald writes good words.
FADE OUT
FIN
Yours truly,
Blog Master Flex
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